Pregnancy

This is a personal thing for me and it's not necessarily easy for me to share it, but it's something that I feel very strongly about:

Pregnancy is a personal subject. 

Scotty and I had been trying to get pregnant for 1 year and 2 months before we were blessed with this current pregnancy. Throughout that time of trying I had been asked multiple times if I was pregnant yet or I was told by people that they thought I was pregnant because I had been sick for a few days. 90% of the time after people would bring it up, I would just cry. Every little time I would get sick and nauseous I felt like I might be pregnant so I would excitedly take a pregnancy test. After countless negative tests I finally got to the point where it hurt too much to take another so even the times I thought I might be, I refused to do another one for the fear of having that heartbreak again. Then I would be asked again if I was pregnant and the disappointment I had been feeling washed over me again as I was reminded by someone every couple of weeks. One of the worst things that I heard after I had finally become pregnant again was when someone would say, "I knew you were pregnant!" I would get so angry because the people that said that were the ones constantly asking. So of course when I finally became pregnant they were right, but they were wrong all of the other 14 months we had been trying and they had been asking. There was no reason they should be feeling pride in finally "being right" when they had helped cause some of the pain I had to endure for 14 months. 

Pregnancy always seems to be a game for everyone else when they get to guess when you're pregnant, what the gender is, when the baby is coming, what it will look like, how much it will weigh, how long you'll be in labor, blah, blah, blah. All of that is fun and I've even participated in it myself, but people take it as a general rule of thumb that they can do it with every woman and their pregnancies. 

The thing I'm emotionally having a hard time with right now is that everyone is convinced I'm having a boy. And not only that, but they apparently "know" that it's going to be a boy (I guess God whispered to them that we were now pregnant and having a boy). I cannot express how sad it makes me to think that there could be disappointment for the gender of my child. This child is such a blessing to Scotty, Hailey, and I especially after the pain and heartache of waiting so long and it breaks my heart to think that people already have this planned out. This child isn't our only chance to have a boy. If we have a girl, then everyone can be patient and wait another couple of years until we get pregnant with another. And not only that, but be excited and happy knowing that there is another little girl in our family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with only having girls.

My children will never be a disappointment to me. Even if Scotty and I are blessed to have a household of girls, I will be so happy and content with my life and my family. I want a little boy next, but my life will not be lacking in any way if we have a little girl. 

Let me get this straight I really do think it's fun for people to guess, but when I've corrected them saying that they don't know it's a boy and that it could be a girl they blatantly ignore me and tell me what they "know" my child is a boy. If I end up having a boy then good job to all those that GUESSED correctly. It's fun to GUESS and be right about the gender. 

Some mothers say that they know what they're having and have even been able to feel the moment of conception and if that true, then that is such a great feeling and experience for them. The only way I can tell I'm pregnant is when I start throwing up in the morning. I can't tell you that I know the gender of this little one. I've had dreams that I'm having another little girl, but that could be just because I already know what a baby girl is like and it could be because I really am having another little girl and that's the little sense of revelation that Heavenly Father is giving to me as the mother. I don't like hearing people tell me I'm wrong when they don't have any idea what this baby is other than just their strong desire for it to be a boy. 

Hoping and saying that it's a boy after I'm already pregnant isn't going to change its gender. Just love my little girl or my little boy with no reservations of what you wanted it to be. It's not your choice, it's not even my choice. All you can do is choose to be disappointed or excited. Stop asking people if they're pregnant, you're basically asking them if they're having sex and really that is no ones business but theirs. Not only that, but you could be bringing up painful memories of miscarriages, countless doctor visits, or even their inability to conceive a child of their own. I don't know when the world decided that it was okay to be in everyone else's personal business even when they're family, but just stop asking and be considerate of the possible heartache of others.  If someone wants you to know they're pregnant they'll tell you, you don't have to ask. 

And most importantly to me right now, remember that you don't KNOW what my child is.